Don't Tell Me How to Grieve

I’m a mother to two young, black males. I have to have conversations with them that seem to go against human nature. “Don’t wear hoodies. Keep your hands visible at all times. Be respectful and whatever you do, if you encounter a cop, put your hands up.” I had to explain to my sons early on that the world will look at them differently. I had to explain to my sons that no matter how smart they are, no matter how good their grades are, no matter how well behaved they are, we are in a world that will see them a certain way because of the color of their skin. As I look at the state of our country I am grieved in my spirit. At times I feel like I want to yell, at times I just pray, at times I shed silent tears, at times I write my feelings, at times I do absolutely nothing at all. My grief comes in many shapes and forms. We all handle grief differently. There is no universal grief but rather, everyone processes and handles their grief in the way that works for them and we need to be mindful of that and respectful of that. Right now, there is a group; a race of people that is grieving. There is a collective sigh around the world in response to their grief. There are those that are calling for peace in the midst of the chaos and then there are those that are calling for our people to rise up and make sure we are heard as the shout in the streets; “No Justice! No Peace!” A situation that should unite us, once again serves to divide us as one side of the fence says what about the brothers and sisters killed at the hands of their own brothers and sisters and the other side saying, we are tired of our people being killed by the very people who are supposed to protect and serve them. And then, there are the people like myself who just feel they are missing the message altogether; the killing, or rather, the senseless killing of our brothers and sisters, no matter who is doing it, has to stop. Period. It’s not any less important when it happens by one of our own than it is when it is done by someone in law enforcement or by someone of another race. As a whole, we as a nation have to put more value on a human being’s life. More compassion is given to a dog than is to a Black Male/Female. What we are seeing in our country is grief and whether we agree with how the people are grieving or not, this is how it is showing up. So, what can we do? We can be present. We can begin to show interest in under represented areas of legislation. We can begin to pay attention to laws and the law makers that are being put in place. We can begin to show up in droves to these positions in law enforcement. You want to see change in an area; we have to see more representation of our people in those offices. No one is going to speak up for you and protect you if there is no one in position that understands you and recognizes your voice. Make sure that your grief, however it shows up, serves to be edifying to the bigger picture, otherwise you are only contributing to the plight. Make sure that when you grieve, your grief, brings about real change. There was joy when one officer was arrested and charged with murder. However, there is a neighborhood that went up in smoke. Businesses loss millions of dollars, but a family lost a son and a wife and children lost a husband. Some situations have no happy endings and so we grieve those situations. No matter what, no one quite grieves the same and when it is all said and done, there is no winner in this situation until there is some real change in our country and in our communities. God bless America! I encourage everyone to grieve today, but when you do, make sure your grief is edifying your community and not tearing it apart or breaking it down. Otherwise, there will be more lives to grieve when it is all said and done. I can’t tell you how to grieve as you cannot tell me how to grieve, but for the sake of the generations that are coming behind us, let your grief be meaningful.